What do goats play?

It has not been suggested to me by someone who shall remain nameless but who, for the sake of argument and in the probably vain hope that he'll reward me handsomly for the gratuitious mention, we'll call Barry at the Calypso Restaurant, Paleochora (dodgy chairs but a good stool guaranteed*, that goats play one of these things;

a ukephone.

I think that's a very silly idea.

For a start anybody who knows anything about goats will realise that they are tone deaf and hence more likely to play a melodeon and/or bagpipes. (Just thought; some sorts of bagpipes are made from complete goatskins, minus the goat, so they may not in fact play them. The again, given their evil and perverted nature, they might just take a great delight in blowing into the vacant skin of one of their close relatives....I know I would.)

*Very bad joke courtesy of : www.calypsocrete.blogspot.com

Paleochora thinks.

Saturday 31 March 2007

Rain last night but weather has been lovely and warm otherwise. Big fun yesterday was watching the police 4x4 blocking the main road while the policeman had a nice long chat with one of his mates and the queue of traffic grew longer and longer. Eventually the driver of the local, and almost only, bus got out of his cab and come to ask the plod to move, an act of supreme bravery in my humble opinion.

The smell of paint and varnish fills the air as more and more of the taverna and restaurant owners come back and start getting ready to open: unlike Barry at the Calypso Restaurant (http://www.calypsocrete.blogspot.com/) who's been open all winter. (That enough of a plug Barry?)

Further proof of the existence of "non sequitur" goats

For those doubters who doubt the existence of "non sequitur" goats, i.e. goats who can disguise themselves as other ordinary object like, say, a bottle of beer or a misso kilo krasi aspero and then jump out at you anf give you a headache, have a look at the following which appears at: /www.decanter.com/news/47909.html
Goats continue to Roam despite Rhône objections.

February 17, 2004.



Oliver Styles

South African winery Fairview has introduced a new line of wines called 'Goats do Roam in Villages' as a trademark fight with the French continues in the US. According to the label on the back of the bottle, the new wine was so named after a herd of goats from the estate farm 'volunteered' to go and supply their milk to a village of children orphaned by AIDS. The name of the wine follows on from a couple of puns – intentional or not – on Rhône-style reds, in particular, Goats do Roam, similar to Côtes du Rhône, and Goat Roti (Côte Rôtie). Fairview – also a goat farm - originally claimed that the naming of the wines was 'purely coincidental', pointing out that goats do roam near – and once actually in - the vineyard. With this release Fairview are taking a new line and boss Charles Back is keen to stress the conceptual difference. 'As a concept, Goats do Roam in Villages is intellectually far apart from its French counterpart,' he said. He added that he seriously doubted the label on the new bottle (pictured) resembled any village in France. These puns – 'justified' according to Malcom Gluck in The Guardian – have irked France's terroir creator and protector, the INAO (Institut National des Appellations d'Origine). The INAO is currently in a legal battle in America to stop the trademark of Fairview's Goats Roti. The similarity between the Goats do Roam line and the French wines of the Côtes du Rhône is 'evident' according to INAO spokesperson Sylvie Serra. The INAO is keen to avoid the media interest generated by the wrangle. 'We are not playing his game. We do not want to feed the publicity it has created,' said Serra. According to Back, the troubles started when Fairview wanted to register the name of their wine in the US and it was blocked by the French. The INAO claim that some Americans may not see the difference between the wines. Ironically, the Goats do Roam trademark was accepted in Europe before the first bottles were produced in 1999.

Enraged or inspired by what you've read? Have your say on the Letters page of Decanter magazine by emailing editorial@decanter.com.

Good for the French, that's what I say! Keep goats out of wine! Mind you, on the otherhand if the bottles are clearly are labled as wine made from goats who would drink the stuff; furthermore it wouldn't be a "nonsequitur goat" if it was labled as a goat, would it?

Oh shit, I've just disproved my own theory.

How far will they go?

Tuesday 27 March 2007

Further proof that they are trying to infiltrate. This was spotted by one of the many observers scattered across the known globe who are risking life and limb to keep an eye on what the goats are doing.

In order to protect him from them, I can't reveal his name or where he lives so, for the purposes of this exercise, we'll call him Ian from Liverpool.

Non Sequitur goats...a warning!

A non sequitur goat attacked yesterday afternoon…disguised as several or more misso kilo krasi aspero it savagely assaulted me about the head and then forced Metaxa down my throat. I struggled valiantly with it but to no avail and I’ve still got the headache to prove it.

As if this wasn’t bad enough when I went for a constitutional to recover, there they were, a family of them, just staring at me. Then when I got home what did I find but a circular from some god botherers advocating recycling goats! Oxfam was bad enough but this is going too far!

Paleochora thinks.

Independence day yesterday and a nice parade by the school kids followed by traditional Cretan singing and dancing.

Nice and warm today and a Hoopoe was spotted!

This is getting out of hand!

Sunday 25 March 2007

(The photo is of a type of goat called a "non sequitur", a very dangerous breed since they can be found anywhere.)

Looking on the Internet the other day, as was my want, I came across two links that I think are yet more proof that the little buggers are planning something serious. They’ve apparently started infiltrating the media, at least what passes for media in America, and they have go at least one overt group of supporters. See:

http://emuse.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/429

and

http://www.faintinggoats.com/

Why, I hear you ask, or at least hear somebody ask, would they want to publicise the fact that some of them faint? I think the answer is that they are trying to get gullible people to take pity on them; once the soft hearted ones do so and take them into their homes then the goats will strike! Personally I’ve never seen one faint, they always just stare at me with evil in their eyes and a sarcastic sneer on their lips possibly because they know I’m on to them.

BTW: Does the word “Kidnap” have anything to do with them? Too much of a coincidence I think!

Paleochora thinks.

The clocks changed and the weather appears to have done so as well. The 36 hour thunderstorm which changed the main street into a river is now a thing of the past and the forecast is for fine weather for at least the next few days. Just as well really since it’s Greek Independence Day and there’s a big parade in town at 11.00 (Greek time) this morning.

Last night I had my second Gyros Plate since arriving here in April 2006 and this morning I remember why I swore never to have another after the first!

Good news... Terry the tailless Lizard (tail chopped off by an accident in a sliding door last summer) was back with us and was seen basking in the sun on the veranda last week.

Bad news.... Having survived both the amputation of his tail and the winter, Terry went to the Great Lizard Home in the sky the other day when some person or persons unknown stepped on the silly bugger who was too well camouflaged for his own good!

Ah well, such is life!

Possible Goat HQ?

23 March 2007

Possible Goat HQ?

Spotted this up in the mountains above Spaniakos when out botanising. I suspect it might be the Goat HQ for the area.

Goat activity is increasing with them apparently recruiting sheep to carry out kamikaze attacks on our car. Fortunately the sheep were too stupid to do the job properly and instead of throwing themselves off the bank onto the car, they threw themselves off the road into an olive grove…a lucky escape there!

Paleochora thinks

12.30 Friday 23 March temp: 18 degrees

Yesterday it did piss down! The rain hardly stopped all day and the main road was like a river. Fortunately I managed to find shelter in a kafenion or three so missed the worst of it. Other than that it was quite warm and all the indications are that spring has definitely sprung.

The local kids are getting ready for the weekend Independence Day celebration and no doubt praying the rain holds off.

12.15. Just had a nice heavy hail shower but the skies have now cleared.

Spy on the hill

Weds 21 March 2007

Off for a botanising trip this morning and went past the “goat skull tree”, the site of the sighting that lead to the "theory of goats".

Sure enough, up on the hill, there it was, looking at us from a moderate distance, a goat. I couldn’t see if it was writing anything down but I suspect it was.

My botanising companion, aka my wife, suggested the only reason it didn’t attack was because she was there and there might be one of us left alive to tell the tale but I know that the only reason we are still alive is because it was a reconnaissance goat and hence unarmed. This was after patting me on the head and saying something that sounded like "There, there, dear, don't worry; just take one of your pink pills".

Yesterday on my trip out, there were no goats…I suspect they were off at a conference somewhere and I think I might have a photograph of the venue somewhere.

There was, yesterday, however, an outbreak of “Goats Beard”….just shows how far into the scientific community they’ve managed to infiltrate.

Paleochora thinks.


Cloudy but warm- 20 degrees at noon. Forecast is for miserable cold and wet weather for the next day or so.

They’ve started repairing the road in the middle of town….for repairing read dumping a bag of ready made tarmac in the hole and hitting it with a shovel until it’s almost flat with the road surface. At the same time they’ve dug up a water main…… again. Reminds me of the "Kosovan Tatrmac Liberation Front" and their efforts on the main road (only road) out of town to the big cities of the North.

The sport at lunchtime was watching a Greek drive manoevour his Opel Astra around the bollards closing the road and then complaining to the workmen that he couldn’t get past the two lorries and the JCB that were there working on the water main.

More on Goats

Monday 19 March 2007

OK so people think I'm paranoid but that doesn't mean they aren't out to get me.

Take these two (yes, there are two).

They look innocent enough but....Out for a walk in the hills last week and right at the start of the trek there they were, watching me. Two hours later there they were, still there, still watching me. I suspect the presence of a hidden radio somewhere so that they could report my presence and progress to "Goat Command, the nerve centre of their operation. As it was there was no attempt on my person this time but one cannot be too careful.



Paleochora thinks.


10.40 and it's sunny and warm and nice and still. Got a huge load of food from Popi, the keeper of the apartment yesterday; Squid, Octopus, Ocra, Poatatoes,

1 1/2 litres of red wine; bread and cracked olives! No cooking needed last night!

What is the truth about Goats?

18 March 2007 The Start

Here on the lovely island of Crete (for our American friends that's off Greece, Europe) we are faced with a problem...Goats.

I first became aware of their evil plan to take over the world when, up in the hills above Paleochora, I saw hanging from a tree, the skull of a goat. Why was it there?

After a while it occured to me that I'd been watched by goats ever since I got to Crete in April 2006; everywhere you go there are goats. Big ones, little ones, medium sized ones and all inbetween ones. Then it hit me, the theory, not the goat.

Could it be that there was something going on that the goats didn't want us to know about and that the skull belonged to a goat that had threatened to betray the conspiracy?

Could it be that goats are planning to take over the world, starting with Crete.

Since that fateful day I've been gathering evidence that goats are in fact plotting a takeover; not sure if aliens in area 51 are involved but I suspect Cretan cats might be planning to play some part in the plot and if they, the cats, ever learn how to use tin openers then we're all doomed!



Paleochora thinks.



(BTW, Paleochora is on the bottom left hand corner of Crete, just before you drop off the edge.)

Sunday morning; 10.20 ish with the temp 17 degrees and light cloud, no wind. The wind last week was unfortunate to say the least, it was lovely in the sun and shelter but blowing force 5 in any exposed spot.

Looking forward to the summer after a warm(ish compared to London) winter and the chance to get back in the water.